#28 Take It Easy on the Air Conditioning
May 14th, 2008 by doing better
Why are we wearing sweaters in the summer? Why are we shivering when it is ninety degrees outside? Why do we find our fingers encumbered by gloves at the computer keyboard?
Forget the earth’s climate problems. Something has gone terribly wrong with the climate of our buildings. This cruel cabal who control the air-conditioning systems in office buildings, shopping malls and movie theaters – who are these people, and what is their terrible plot? Dick Cheney is undoubtedly among their number. Why do they want to freeze us? Are they all morbidly obese and therefore in need of constant refrigeration to keep them from overheating? Are they afraid we might sue them if we happen to perspire a little? Are they simply incompetent? Do they think we will be better workers if our fingers and lips are blue?
Looking out on a warm, sunny day, only to turn back to our desks and don another layer of skiwear is not the most enviable way to spend a summer. Whatever happened to the trick of opening a window to catch the breeze? God forbid we should be exposed to any fresh air; but then, the freshness of air is just an old wives’ tale, surely. Presumably it is all as old as the planet. Besides, when was the last time we found an office window that would open? Doors will usually open, even in this day and age, though most of them are locked or alarmed to discourage the practice, and they often come in pairs, creating air-lock chambers which filter out unauthorized (so-called “fresh”) air.
The only way to survive in the air-conditioned microclimate is to follow the lead of our ancestors who struggled to make it through the winter. As well as investing in sheep farms to meet our growing demand for wool socks to wear under our sandals, we must spend the months leading up to summer consuming vast quantities of oily foods such as bacon and salted herring, thereby amassing a layer of blubber as quickly as possible. In this way we shall have some hope of getting through the harshest season of the year.