#26 Take Responsibility for Our Feelings
May 9th, 2008 by doing better
That Austrian dungeon father has complained because people are saying he is a monster, rather than merely labeling his behavior as monstrous. A fine moral distinction, which we might develop further.
Rather than saying he ruined his daughter’s life, it might be more accurate to say that he ruined a certain number of days of her life. Rather than saying it was all his fault, we should perhaps consider that she interpreted his behavior in a way that made her unhappy, whereas if she had been a glass-half-full kind of person, she might have regarded the situation in a more positive light. For instance, she might have been grateful that her father loved her enough to whisk her away from the world and cherish her and keep her all for himself. As Hamlet advises, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
No?
These are the kind of arguments my father used when I was little, and he would do something and I would cry. “I didn’t make you upset, you made yourself upset. I can never make you feel a certain way. You are responsible for your own feelings.” Quite. I’m sure all small children would agree with this analysis.
George Bush to the Iraqis: “Don’t come crying to me about being bombed. If you don’t like it, that is your problem. I am not responsible for your tears. The wrecking of your family and social networks is only a cause for grief if you believe it is so. In America we stand for the individual.”
Osama bin Laden to people in airports: “Do not speak to me of inconvenience. Living in a cave in constant fear of death is inconvenient. Standing in a line for two hours, taking off your shoes and reading magazines is only inconvenient if you are a pampered lily-livered crybaby who deserves to be shocked out of your complacency. It is not my fault that you have let yourselves grow soft in the head. You should thank the warriors of truth for waking you from your dream.”
Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn: “Why so attached, my dear? Why do you insist you cannot be happy without it? You are a prisoner of your own thoughts, and I propose to liberate you. While a country such as England could never be happy without its head, I am sure a woman will do very well, and her husband will not have to listen to her treasonous nonsense. You will still have your hands to do embroidery and play the lute.”
Indeed. When we simply take responsibility for our feelings, every prison camp can be our paradise. We have nothing to lose. How strange then that we are so miserable.
[...] Things We Should Do Better wrote an interesting post today on #26 Take Responsibility for Our FeelingsHere’s a quick excerptGeorge Bush to the Iraqis: “Don’t come crying to me about being bombed…. [...]