Confident in my charismatic leadership, I set off last weekend in search of the largest box woods in Britain. I was inspired by a book called Hidden Trees of Britain: A Regional Guide to the Country’s Secret Treescapes by Archie Miles. It did not occur to me before we started that Archie Miles might with [...]
Monthly Archive for May, 2008
Being Southerners, it is our nature to smile and say hi to everybody on the street. This does not go over well in other parts of the world.
After many years in exile, we finally learn to appear miserable and guarded in public. When strangers address us, we pretend not to hear. Hailed by [...]
#33 Don’t Take Anything Personally
Posted in Community, General, Personal Hygiene on May 21st, 2008
My housemate Tjen Ket (actually I have no idea how to spell his name) has undergone a transformation in recent days from glumness to chattiness. I am sorry to admit I preferred the morose state. When he gets excited, his Singaporean English hardens into a series of clattering syllables. Although I find him [...]
I have given this advice before, but apparently the world has not taken note, for in my latest play there is yet another line-learning refusenik. This man, Martin, is around fifty, rugged of look and coarse of manner. He smokes and eats a lot of candy to aid concentration. He likes to heave out [...]
#31 Lay Off the Cinnamon
Posted in Community, General, Personal Hygiene on May 19th, 2008
In my most recent play, an 18th-century comedy, one of the older actors played a rakish lord who takes snuff. He showed me his snuff, which came with a tobacco warning on the tin. It was a brown powder that looked like cinnamon but smelled disgusting.
“What does it do?” I asked.
“Personally, I don’t feel any [...]
#30 When We Are Perfect: A Warning
Posted in Community, General, Spirituality on May 16th, 2008
When we are perfect, everyone will hate us. Oh well! That is the cross we must bear.
Speaking of crosses, if the life of Jesus tells us anything, it should instruct us that being perfect will only get us killed.
Will we be happy, though? Please tell us that at least we will [...]
#29 Use Our Own Butter
Posted in Community, General, Personal Hygiene on May 15th, 2008
My housemate Jeremy used to steal my butter because he was too cheap and lazy to buy his own. Then someone told me about how the Israeli Defense Forces would rake the sand in the desert outside the security fence so they could see any footprints if somebody tried to sneak into their country and [...]
#28 Take It Easy on the Air Conditioning
Posted in Community, General, Personal Hygiene on May 14th, 2008
Why are we wearing sweaters in the summer? Why are we shivering when it is ninety degrees outside? Why do we find our fingers encumbered by gloves at the computer keyboard?
Forget the earth’s climate problems. Something has gone terribly wrong with the climate of our buildings. This cruel cabal who control the air-conditioning systems in [...]
This weekend we were eating at a casual outdoor restaurant when I recognized a young guy at a nearby table: he is a college student in town and also happens to be the grandson of a notorious billionaire. One of my friends knows him, but I have never been introduced to him. He was with [...]
#26 Take Responsibility for Our Feelings
Posted in Community, Family, General, Politics on May 9th, 2008
That Austrian dungeon father has complained because people are saying he is a monster, rather than merely labeling his behavior as monstrous. A fine moral distinction, which we might develop further.
Rather than saying he ruined his daughter’s life, it might be more accurate to say that he ruined a certain number of days of her [...]