#3 Remember Where We Parked
Apr 11th, 2008 by doing better
This one is a perfectionist tip for my mother, but maybe you too know somebody who forgets where they parked. When my mother drives to the mall, I assume she will be the one to remember where we parked. Foolish assumption on my part! How many hours have we spent wandering around the mall parking lot? We make a gradual descent to hell in three stages.
First Stage. My mother is cheerful. She says, “I can’t remember where I parked, but don’t worry, Bug. (Bug is my nickname.) Look at this. I have this neat thing on my car keys where I can make my car beep so I know where it is.”
“Yes,” I reply, “but it doesn’t work from TWO MILES AWAY.”
Second Stage. (twenty minutes later) “Oh Bug, why do you let me do this? Why am I so stupid? Am I getting Alzheimer’s? Why does everything look the same? We’re never going to find the car. It’s getting dark now. All the stores are closing. We’ll have to wait until everybody drives away, and our car will be the only one left. Maybe it has been stolen.”
Third Stage. (twenty minutes after that) We find the car. “See?” I say. “I told you we would find it. Why do you always overreact like that?”
What are some suggestions to avoid this situation in future?
1. Make a special effort to remember where we parked. If necessary, write down the location or take a picture with our cell phone camera. (Problem: my mother has no camera on her cell phone because they always give her a bad deal. I have no cell phone camera because I use my mother’s phone because I am poor.)
2. Ride our bikes or walk instead of driving to the mall.
3. Don’t build such big parking lots. Some might say that our brains did not evolve to cope with big parking lots. (Some of our brains.)
4. Don’t go to the mall. Don’t shop. Don’t buy so much stuff.
Or we could embrace the situation, swap keys with someone else and try to find each other’s cars. That would make it a fun game like an Easter egg hunt. We could get the whole parking lot involved and improve community spirit in the shopping center. Some people, if they were in a hurry, would inevitably drive off with cars that did not belong to them, including the other people’s pets, children, or husbands who had been waiting in the car. This accidental transfer of human chattel would lead to social diversity and dynamism as ideas and traditions were spread among families. For instance, children from a vegetarian family might set an example of healthier eating to a family addicted to junk food, or a father who had been in the habit of yelling at his former family would bring fresh insights to the peaceful Buddhist family who happened to drive away with him. In time, the parking lot key swap might become an established practice for shedding unwanted family members, including incontinent grandparents and children about to incur the expense of private college tuition. Citizenship awareness would be raised across society. People would look upon strangers with a kinder eye, thinking hopefully, “One day you may be my brother’s keeper.”
In that case, when my mother tells me, “Just wait in the car a minute while I run inside and exchange these towels,” my response will be, “Please don’t abandon me. I’m sorry I made fun of you. Why don’t you love me anymore?”
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